Yesterday was my 6th Canadian Thanksgiving spent in Toronto, but my first ever
meaningful Thanksgiving spent with friends that I care about (a lot)... and
a 7kg turkey, amongst other awesome foods.
Yes, a 7kg turkey. There's a story to that but it's not mine to tell.
All I can say is that the 3.5h wait was very, very worth it.
The
point is that this Thanksgiving, I was really thankful that I had people to spend it with. And good
food surely helped.
There were episodes of Friends and The Simpsons involved, too.
I've been in a very sort of nostalgic, reflective mood a lot. Having a great (well, the best) Thanksgiving with friends seems to have spurred it a little further.
It's starting to really hit me that I've been here for 5 years (and steadily moving through my 6th). It's been quite a long time since I moved here. Time files.
My first 4 years here (in undergrad) had been a tumultuous experience - in terms of personal issues - so much, that since I graduated, I really wanted nothing to do with university life. No more old class notes, no hoodies, no backpacks, nothing that would remind me of all the personal things that happened in those years.
Today, I wore an old UofT hoodie that I've been neglecting since last June. It's a bit chilly, but not cold enough for a jacket.
2013年10月15日火曜日
2013年10月8日火曜日
Fantasy or Reality?
Escaping into fantasies are a quick, easy, (and cheap) way to kill time.
Or procrastinate.
Lately I've been back at my novel project (or a 10-page throw-up of words (double spaced) that resemble something like one) from school. Yeah, we all had to write a fraction of a novel that had to be all outlined and scaffolded in a short period of time. Fun times.
Anyway, I can't stop thinking about it.
But I feel like I'm stuck in that never-ending cycle of thinking and planning. And fact-checking. So I'm actually not getting any real writing done.
The problem is that I want to set it in a particular historical point in time. In my over-nitpickiness I keep on researching, and fall into a pit of self-doubt. But there's nothing stopping me from making something more fantasy-esque - this is a work of fiction, after all.
The problem, I guess, is that it's really hard for me to make compromises between fantasy and reality in story-writing, such as "come up with a fake suburban town in Alberta to set my story". I start thinking where it is, at what point does it come into contact with real areas and real people, how much of the real world impacts it, what do the neighbors think of the area, what is its history... If I think of something, I have to think it through as in all the way through like the hole in a doughnut. There's no point in a doughnut if it has no hole to make it a ring (I have a honey cruller in the fridge, btw, saving it for tomorrow).
And as much as it's fun to world-build, it bothers me a lot to forge something like a 'fake' town into 'reality' - like jamming an extra piece of a puzzle when it's already completed. It's that kind of uneasiness I feel, like I'm intruding or being awfully impolite. Even though it's a completely fictional piece of writing, I still feel very guilty.
I know I know, no one bloody cares about stupid writing problems on my sloppy excuse for a novel that's never seeing the light of day, but I have nothing else to say today.
Really. I don't.
Except for stupid medical problems and how pumpkin spice muffins at Timmy's are awesomesauce and a vague love-hate relationship with receipts.
Or procrastinate.
Lately I've been back at my novel project (or a 10-page throw-up of words (double spaced) that resemble something like one) from school. Yeah, we all had to write a fraction of a novel that had to be all outlined and scaffolded in a short period of time. Fun times.
Anyway, I can't stop thinking about it.
But I feel like I'm stuck in that never-ending cycle of thinking and planning. And fact-checking. So I'm actually not getting any real writing done.
The problem is that I want to set it in a particular historical point in time. In my over-nitpickiness I keep on researching, and fall into a pit of self-doubt. But there's nothing stopping me from making something more fantasy-esque - this is a work of fiction, after all.
The problem, I guess, is that it's really hard for me to make compromises between fantasy and reality in story-writing, such as "come up with a fake suburban town in Alberta to set my story". I start thinking where it is, at what point does it come into contact with real areas and real people, how much of the real world impacts it, what do the neighbors think of the area, what is its history... If I think of something, I have to think it through as in all the way through like the hole in a doughnut. There's no point in a doughnut if it has no hole to make it a ring (I have a honey cruller in the fridge, btw, saving it for tomorrow).
And as much as it's fun to world-build, it bothers me a lot to forge something like a 'fake' town into 'reality' - like jamming an extra piece of a puzzle when it's already completed. It's that kind of uneasiness I feel, like I'm intruding or being awfully impolite. Even though it's a completely fictional piece of writing, I still feel very guilty.
I know I know, no one bloody cares about stupid writing problems on my sloppy excuse for a novel that's never seeing the light of day, but I have nothing else to say today.
Really. I don't.
Except for stupid medical problems and how pumpkin spice muffins at Timmy's are awesomesauce and a vague love-hate relationship with receipts.
2013年10月1日火曜日
Retrospect
Whoa. A full month of silence.
There's been a lot of ups and downs, and it's an incredibly stressful time right now. Yeah, being an international student sucks. Bureaucracy. Bleargh.
But no point in dwelling on that. Let's switch topics.
I see a lot of my highschool friends (...well, classmates? acquaintances?) in my dreams, despite the fact that I am no longer close with a good 90% of my friends from my schooldays in Japan. It's probably because a lot of stuff happened in those years (from middle to highschool) and they probably subconsciously symbolize the issues I still carry from those days.
And sometimes, I genuinely wonder how they would react to the person that I am today.
Because in all honesty, I was a total wreck n' absolute mess back from middle school to high school. In the "crazy self-centeredness and identity confusion" sense.
Retrospect is a sobering thing to have.
You look back and see all the problems, and they're no longer mysteries. It's crystal clear... more or less. You can at least identify what was wrong with you (because in my case, a lot of the problems generated from my own insecurities).
Aaaand then I fight the crazy urge to bury my head in a pot of coffee and knock myself out because those 5 or 6 years are the most embarrassing years of my life.
I did stupid things, I was not a happy person to be around.
But in this time of stress and life-changing stuff, I think that, y'know, I like myself way better now than I did back then. Of course I have a long way to go. I still have my giant list of flaws and several baskets full of issues. But I'm in a better place - emotionally - than ever before.
To sum it up I guess I sort of miss my highschool days, but I sort of don't. Maybe it's that I finally realized I've grown up somewhat, and want to make amends with that crazy period of my life. Apologize. Repent.
Maybe.
There's been a lot of ups and downs, and it's an incredibly stressful time right now. Yeah, being an international student sucks. Bureaucracy. Bleargh.
But no point in dwelling on that. Let's switch topics.
I see a lot of my highschool friends (...well, classmates? acquaintances?) in my dreams, despite the fact that I am no longer close with a good 90% of my friends from my schooldays in Japan. It's probably because a lot of stuff happened in those years (from middle to highschool) and they probably subconsciously symbolize the issues I still carry from those days.
And sometimes, I genuinely wonder how they would react to the person that I am today.
Because in all honesty, I was a total wreck n' absolute mess back from middle school to high school. In the "crazy self-centeredness and identity confusion" sense.
Retrospect is a sobering thing to have.
You look back and see all the problems, and they're no longer mysteries. It's crystal clear... more or less. You can at least identify what was wrong with you (because in my case, a lot of the problems generated from my own insecurities).
Aaaand then I fight the crazy urge to bury my head in a pot of coffee and knock myself out because those 5 or 6 years are the most embarrassing years of my life.
I did stupid things, I was not a happy person to be around.
But in this time of stress and life-changing stuff, I think that, y'know, I like myself way better now than I did back then. Of course I have a long way to go. I still have my giant list of flaws and several baskets full of issues. But I'm in a better place - emotionally - than ever before.
To sum it up I guess I sort of miss my highschool days, but I sort of don't. Maybe it's that I finally realized I've grown up somewhat, and want to make amends with that crazy period of my life. Apologize. Repent.
Maybe.
2013年9月1日日曜日
Liou (6th time)
YEEEEAHHH I finally, finally finished reading Liou for the 6th time!
It took me nearly 5 months to finish (I started around April), this is definitely the longest it's taken me. I had my own ritual going these last few years where I'd read Liou in April, but this year school and stuff happened (whereas in the past I'd be in summer vacation), so I read bit by bit when I had the time.
So. Yeah. 6th time.
It amazes me every time how I have a different reaction to different scenes with each read-through. I guess it comes with age.
I first read the book in the autumn of 2009, and it's been 4 years. Strange to say, but I've come a long way since then and I definitely have different perspectives on things. Like the book's treatment of family, women, and racial tensions - compared to when I first read the book, I sure react differently now.
For example, the female characters - at first, I was not very responsive to them. But now (and also in the last few read-throughs), I feel much more sympathetic and close to these extremely flawed, complex, real women. I'm at the point where I feel these women were not treated well - as much as I know she's (the author's) making a point in the story, it's still kinda sad.
But despite all that I may think and react, it was still a wonderful read.
I have a lot of YA and middle-grade books I have on my bookshelf that I want to read, but I'm still in that Japanese phase right now. I feel like starting Chouhei Kambayashi's Good Luck - Sentou Yousei Yukikaze. However it's been over a year since I finished the first book (Sentou Yousei Yukikaze) and I've forgotten a huge chunk of it. Maybe a re-read?
So many books, so little time...
It took me nearly 5 months to finish (I started around April), this is definitely the longest it's taken me. I had my own ritual going these last few years where I'd read Liou in April, but this year school and stuff happened (whereas in the past I'd be in summer vacation), so I read bit by bit when I had the time.
So. Yeah. 6th time.
It amazes me every time how I have a different reaction to different scenes with each read-through. I guess it comes with age.
I first read the book in the autumn of 2009, and it's been 4 years. Strange to say, but I've come a long way since then and I definitely have different perspectives on things. Like the book's treatment of family, women, and racial tensions - compared to when I first read the book, I sure react differently now.
For example, the female characters - at first, I was not very responsive to them. But now (and also in the last few read-throughs), I feel much more sympathetic and close to these extremely flawed, complex, real women. I'm at the point where I feel these women were not treated well - as much as I know she's (the author's) making a point in the story, it's still kinda sad.
But despite all that I may think and react, it was still a wonderful read.
I have a lot of YA and middle-grade books I have on my bookshelf that I want to read, but I'm still in that Japanese phase right now. I feel like starting Chouhei Kambayashi's Good Luck - Sentou Yousei Yukikaze. However it's been over a year since I finished the first book (Sentou Yousei Yukikaze) and I've forgotten a huge chunk of it. Maybe a re-read?
So many books, so little time...
2013年8月28日水曜日
Being Sick Sucks
Right what it says on the cover.
So I caught a cold. I think the last time I was this visibly sick was since... that time I got food poisoning in April. That was a horrible day, but that's for later. I think the last actual cold was in October, or that ambiguously unwell day in May (not sure if that was stress or a real cold). The last 6 days have been varying degrees of "wow I want to punch a hole in my head because I feel so terrible".
And finally, I feel mostly human again. Yay.
What I want to say is, if it's a sore throat/phlegm-y/lung-hacking cough-a-thon of a cold, gargle salt water. I read it somewhere on the internet a while back and decided to try it on a desperate attempt to do anything that would make me feel better, and it worked. It really works to help get that gross stuff out of your system.
That and peppermint tea saved me these last few days when the cold moved from fever to throat. (But since I was super craving for peppermint tea, I went out to the supermarket to get some while I was still unwell and managed to get myself sicker. So that was a no-no.)
This has been a quality post. Only not really.
So I caught a cold. I think the last time I was this visibly sick was since... that time I got food poisoning in April. That was a horrible day, but that's for later. I think the last actual cold was in October, or that ambiguously unwell day in May (not sure if that was stress or a real cold). The last 6 days have been varying degrees of "wow I want to punch a hole in my head because I feel so terrible".
And finally, I feel mostly human again. Yay.
What I want to say is, if it's a sore throat/phlegm-y/lung-hacking cough-a-thon of a cold, gargle salt water. I read it somewhere on the internet a while back and decided to try it on a desperate attempt to do anything that would make me feel better, and it worked. It really works to help get that gross stuff out of your system.
That and peppermint tea saved me these last few days when the cold moved from fever to throat. (But since I was super craving for peppermint tea, I went out to the supermarket to get some while I was still unwell and managed to get myself sicker. So that was a no-no.)
This has been a quality post. Only not really.
2013年8月20日火曜日
Tactile and Music
I know it's the same old excuses, but yes, life is at another turning point and things are busy. Just recently (read: last Friday), I finished my year at the Children's Entertainment program, and have started freelancing (read: 'holy cow I'm an adult now how does this work?!').
...oh, and what a crazy year it was. Sure, it had its ups and downs. A LOT of ups and downs. But when I look back and think about it, I seriously had a whole lotta fun with the best bunch of people I had the amazing privilege of becoming friends with. It was easily the best year of my life.
So, enough of me being sad and sappy. Today is another music kind of day.
I came across this music video on tumblr back in March, and fell in love with everything about it so much I was practically speechless for a good while.
Yeah, I treated myself to his CD ("In Focus?") very soon afterwards.
Shugo Tokumaru is, simply put, amazing! I don't think I fell in love this fast with a musician since... well, maybe that one time in 2010 when I had an inexplicable The Doors obsession, but that's a long story.
Anyway.
The music video is insanely awesome. Just watch. It's so cool.
But it's his music that I want to talk about today - not just this song, but all of his music.
What I fell in love with was his selection and combination of disparate sounds, and how they come together so well to create melody. And his voice, the way he lets his words flow out of his mouth... There's something inexplicably soft and fleeting yet undeniably present, like fine wool teased out and draped over your eyes. Also, sometimes, even I find it hard to decipher what the lyrics are - and I'm Japanese. But I guess it's ok, because I enjoy listening to how his voice rolls along the rest of the music in a cascading flow of sound. When I stop at times to let the lyric part sink in, it's all the more mesmerizing.
When I listen to his music, it makes me think of a river made of glass beads, wooden puzzle pieces, toys, cotton, metal cans, and a sweeping spiral staircase. All the components are distinct with individual textures, yet melding in all the right places. And it's tumbling down a waterfall in a curtain of light and dark and sound.
I also love some of his more mellow, darker songs that feels like velvet running through a forest or a mountain, with a trail of senkou hanabi (a tiny, hand-held, flickering firework) tiptoeing in its wake.
It's very tactile. Maybe that's why I love it so much.
And I have a very weird, long-winded, and unhelpful way of explaining things.
I've always struggled with "conciseness and clarity" when it comes to writing.
...oh, and what a crazy year it was. Sure, it had its ups and downs. A LOT of ups and downs. But when I look back and think about it, I seriously had a whole lotta fun with the best bunch of people I had the amazing privilege of becoming friends with. It was easily the best year of my life.
So, enough of me being sad and sappy. Today is another music kind of day.
I came across this music video on tumblr back in March, and fell in love with everything about it so much I was practically speechless for a good while.
Yeah, I treated myself to his CD ("In Focus?") very soon afterwards.
Shugo Tokumaru is, simply put, amazing! I don't think I fell in love this fast with a musician since... well, maybe that one time in 2010 when I had an inexplicable The Doors obsession, but that's a long story.
Anyway.
The music video is insanely awesome. Just watch. It's so cool.
But it's his music that I want to talk about today - not just this song, but all of his music.
What I fell in love with was his selection and combination of disparate sounds, and how they come together so well to create melody. And his voice, the way he lets his words flow out of his mouth... There's something inexplicably soft and fleeting yet undeniably present, like fine wool teased out and draped over your eyes. Also, sometimes, even I find it hard to decipher what the lyrics are - and I'm Japanese. But I guess it's ok, because I enjoy listening to how his voice rolls along the rest of the music in a cascading flow of sound. When I stop at times to let the lyric part sink in, it's all the more mesmerizing.
When I listen to his music, it makes me think of a river made of glass beads, wooden puzzle pieces, toys, cotton, metal cans, and a sweeping spiral staircase. All the components are distinct with individual textures, yet melding in all the right places. And it's tumbling down a waterfall in a curtain of light and dark and sound.
I also love some of his more mellow, darker songs that feels like velvet running through a forest or a mountain, with a trail of senkou hanabi (a tiny, hand-held, flickering firework) tiptoeing in its wake.
It's very tactile. Maybe that's why I love it so much.
And I have a very weird, long-winded, and unhelpful way of explaining things.
I've always struggled with "conciseness and clarity" when it comes to writing.
2013年8月7日水曜日
Commitment Issues and The End
I have big, and I mean BIG commitment issues when it comes to finishing a TV show. Namely, I barely finish a season of a TV show, especially North American/English TV. I just can't explain why... um, I have a short attention span?
It's not like I don't have the time - if I really wanted to, I could easily cut back on sleep and watch a show, marathon a series in one go. But for some reason it just hasn't happened very frequently.
And then I thought back to my anime watching. In the past 2 months, I have successfully watched the entirety of Fate/Zero, Baccano!, and Mouryou no Hako (the last two were re-watches, though). Maybe it's the 30-minute timeframe that grabs my attention better?
Then I thought about the difference in story and structure - especially the ending of a show/season. North American/English shows (S1) are usually made with the assumption and hope that a S2 or more will be made, so season finales are often cliffhangers or some mystery. And the desire to continue and 'become successful' means almost every season finale is like that.
On the other hand, Japanese TV (including anime) are mostly made with a definite ending in mind. The audience goes in to a show expecting a clear ending that wraps everything up, a story that is self-contained. 'Success' of a TV show is not necessarily defined by a sequel/subsequent seasons.
There are pros and cons to both types of structures/ending - but I guess that knowledge of working towards a definite end appeals to me more than the possibility of longevity, only because that's the kind of media I've been exposed to most.
It's not like I don't have the time - if I really wanted to, I could easily cut back on sleep and watch a show, marathon a series in one go. But for some reason it just hasn't happened very frequently.
And then I thought back to my anime watching. In the past 2 months, I have successfully watched the entirety of Fate/Zero, Baccano!, and Mouryou no Hako (the last two were re-watches, though). Maybe it's the 30-minute timeframe that grabs my attention better?
Then I thought about the difference in story and structure - especially the ending of a show/season. North American/English shows (S1) are usually made with the assumption and hope that a S2 or more will be made, so season finales are often cliffhangers or some mystery. And the desire to continue and 'become successful' means almost every season finale is like that.
On the other hand, Japanese TV (including anime) are mostly made with a definite ending in mind. The audience goes in to a show expecting a clear ending that wraps everything up, a story that is self-contained. 'Success' of a TV show is not necessarily defined by a sequel/subsequent seasons.
There are pros and cons to both types of structures/ending - but I guess that knowledge of working towards a definite end appeals to me more than the possibility of longevity, only because that's the kind of media I've been exposed to most.
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